Monday, April 22, 2019

2020 Presidential Candidates as Pokemon Pt. III

Image result for lucario 

Elizabeth Warren is Lucario

Lucario's FIGHTING/STEEL type is another dual that covers up a strong type's weakness.
Lucario is quite effective in their other, non-Pokemon games and has quite a number of bonafides that make her a strong candidate. As a former Republican, Warren can speak to the pointlessness of compromise with the opposition in favor of their conversion if not their outright defeat. She is to the left of a lot of candidates, but still a reformer rather than a revolutionary. She's good at coming up with policy, if not yet successful at selling it all to the American people.

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Beto O'Rourke is Pikachu 

Pikachu is not a very good Pokemon in the game.  And yet he is at the center of the story, marketing, and promotion of the series. He is an Electric type that is known all over the world. While O'Rourke isn't quite a national figure, his failed 2018 Senatorial campaign put him on the map and he has continued the high energy campaign is transitioning to visiting all 254 counties here in Texas to, all the battleground states I guess. He has a large war chest to fuel a deep run, but is weak on outright policy. But you can't put policy on a t-shirt.

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Kirsten Gillibrand is Snivy

Starting Pokemon can take you to endgame (in theatres Friday), but more often than not you'll switch out for more powerful Pokemon. She got in early, and has been a very prominent Resistance figure but others have outshined everyone of her strong suits. She is currently polling pretty poorly and might not even have enough to get onto the debate stage. If she can hang in there, she might be able to Pokevolve into one of the cooler starters. I'm not writing her off.

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 John Hickenlooper is Cacturne

Hickenlooper is an obscure candidate and a moderate/centrist Governor from Colorado. Were the path of centrism viable, he'd be a very strong candidate in the race. He doesn't check boxes I like, but he does check boxes that make sense. But we're not there and it's not because of the phantom of extremist polarization. One side does not argue or legislate in good faith and the other side is complicit so long as they get some of the profits from that dark money. Expect him to tout his late (and not initial) role on legalization if he expects to have any legs in the race.
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John Delaney is Pidgeotto


 He doesn't bring anything to the table electorally, but he's an active campaigner and has the right mix of progressive leanings and insistence on working together to fix whatever the country's problems are. Fans of high quality television might be aware of his homestate, but Maryland isn't a New Hampshire or Iowa (which he's already visited thoroughly). A lot of people sleep on Pidgey, but he's one of the first Pokemon you get and can see you through a bit. Until you give someone else Flight and start to wonder why Games Workshop sees fit to make several Flying type Pokemon based on pigeons.

To be continue...

Sunday, April 21, 2019

2020 Presidential Candidates As Pokemon Pt. II


Been busy. Am less so now. The candidates as Avengers meme was garbage. This is what the people really want to know. So here are five more. I will compile the whole thing when I'm done and any Pokevolutions will happen then, too.

Mike Gravel is Granbull


Image result for granbull
He's been on his shit for forty years and the world is catching up to him. A study in paradox, an online meme candidate who is also an old white dude who, if his announcement video is any indication, is very much an old man.

An outright rebuke of imperialism as its current evolved form is welcome. Not that weaponized hypocrisy is super effective, but it was one of Trump's positions that he subsequently abandoned for GOP Orthodoxy


 Andrew Yang as Psyduck


Psyduck artwork by Ken Sugimori
Andrew Yang is attempting to speak to the masses who are dissatisfied and disaffected by the current political establishment and the encroachment of an automative financial apocalypse. He has attempted to go viral and game the system for the Democratic debates, and wants to shock the system. Because that worked out so well last time. 

It's mind games and flim flam. Prove me wrong Yang Gang. His wasn't the most annoying candidate interview by the gushing MSNBC hosts.
 

William F. Weld is Garbodor

File:569Garbodor.png

Weld hopes to free Republicanism from Trumpism. Nevermind that the policies of Trump are just mainstream GOP principals not even carried out to their extreme, just to their expected end. He just wants to put a proper, civil face on it. Or more appropriately, bag up the garbage instead of just keep it out in the open.

Joe Biden is Slowbro

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Joe has ran before. He's ran and lost. He was indistinguishable from several other candidates during the Democratic Presidential Debates. Go back and watch SNL from ten years ago. And twenty years ago. And thirty years ago.
His two favorite targets are Trump and the burgeoning progressives and leftists that are invigorating the Democratic Party. So yeah. That's hopeful.

While he's more likely to fizzle out as people are reminded  of his voting record and creepy uncle peccadilloes, he's got name recognition and a chance. The claim is that he can stand up to Trump, but he's not regarded as a wit. He's a total bro. If he doeswin , I will go back and retcon this list to label him as Slowking. Took a while, but he got there.

Howard Schultz is Snorlax

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He's just getting in the way of moving past all this. He gives us coffee and wants us to wake up, but he's the one who needs to wake up and get out of the way.

To be continued...